That feeling of anticipation...

Sometimes in life the future becomes overwhelming and it’s hard to focus on anything because you’re so nervous about what’s going to come next. Recently, (as in the past 2 years of my life) I have had this feeling pretty consistently. Whether it was searching for post-college employment or being in month 8 of FEMA Corps and still not having a Life After AmeriCorps plan solidified or sitting in Ripon, WI with no income and freaking out about how I am going to move to Sacramento with $130 in my bank account, this feeling of uncertainty in the future has been there. Giving me a knot in my stomach for the past few years, letting me know that I need to figure out what the hell I’m doing with my life or else I will be forced to work at Whole Foods cutting up fish for the rest of my days.

Currently, I have this feeling again. I am 72 days away from being done at the California Conservation Corps. SEVENTY TWO DAYS AWAY. That is less than 3 months. That is a terrifyingly short period of time for me. TERRIFYING. As someone who likes to plan and plan to plan things, I am getting pretty nervous, but I’m trying to not stress about it. Everyone keeps saying that something will happen and I certainly hope they are right.

In the meantime, I have decided to start planning events, activities, anything that I can 100%, accurately plan. The feeling of having something solidified is so much better than the uncertainty, which is why I’m so excited for this weekend coming up.

Isn't that a good feeling? The feeling of anticipation before something really awesome happens? I realize that I shouldn't be wishing my life away and trust me, I am not. Wishing my life away would mean that those 72 days fly by quicker than they already are, but I’m just excited about this next coming weekend. I get excited when things go according to plan pretty easily, which means that when things don’t go according to plan, I stress about it easily. However, I know that this weekend is going to go exactly as planned because there is barely any plan! I also realize that I haven’t told you the events of this coming weekend, but that is because I am keeping some of it as a surprise for Dana and I know that she will read this!

Besides, this post is less about the events that are coming, it’s more about the feeling of having that plan. For me, it’s like preparing for a big trip and getting on the plane knowing that even the most mundane event like flying for 5 hours is awesome and that things can only go up from there.  OMG Okay I will tell!

DAY	EVENT
Friday 2/13	VISTA Regional meeting 12 pm- 4 pm All the Sacramento area AmeriCorps VISTAs get together and we get out of work early!
	Out of Bounds Brewery 5:30 pm Dana’s coworker has a Groupon to this new brewery nearby and invited us along!
Saturday 2/14	Point Reyes National Park There is a cool lighthouse there and it’s on the coast and we can see Redwoods!
	Surprise event that I’m not telling Dana about
Sunday 2/15	Sierra Nevada Brewery in Chico Dana got us reservations to do the brewery tour
Monday 2/16	I don’t think we have any plans set in stone, but we might try to take the train up to Old Folsom and then hike to see Folsom Prison

As you can see from the table above, we have some exciting events coming up. I just had this feeling of satisfaction knowing that things will fall into place and happen as they are supposed to this coming weekend. 

It’s sort of funny, isn't it? How I can feel so at peace with such minimal perimeters and yet for my future career I have the same minimal perimeters, but I’m freaking out. I hope that this next weekend is a theme for the next 72 days. Plan ahead for things that I can control and know that everything else will fall into place. If I keep sending my job applications, resumes, and cover letters out into the abyss while I’m still working hard here at the CCC, then everything else will happen naturally.

What I’m really getting at here is that I hope by April 15, I have the same sense of satisfaction and excitement for my future that I have right now looking at the weekend. That will happen, right? Right?!