The Inevitable “What are you doing with your life” Post

There are a few absolute things that I have learned over the last year and 4 months of national service. Some of them are personal realizations, some are programmatic, and yet some are just good lessons for life.

There comes a time in any young person’s life, whether high school, college, or post grad, that they inevitably ask themselves “what am I doing with my life?” Some may ask this question multiple times and in several forms of inebriation, sobriety, or any time in-between. For example, many times in college my friends and I would stroll into the Merrimack dining hall for Sunday morning brunch, usually with a bit of a headache and a foggy memory of the night before and while piling our plates with as many breakfast potatoes as possible turn to each other and say “what am I doing with my life? I’m never drinking again!” Of course, that wasn’t true. And of course, at that moment we didn’t know what we were doing with our lives, but that was okay because we had years of school left- years which too quickly turned to months then weeks then days when reality set in and  we were suddenly stuck on our parents couches scanning Monster.com for hours on end. Well, some of us did that. Of course there were the students who knew from day 1 of college, maybe even day 1 of high school, exactly what they were doing with their life. They needed that 3.98 GPA to get into medical school or law school or pass the MTEL and keep their plan flowing. Or maybe there were those people who didn’t know career wise what they wanted to do, but they had an idea of what they wanted their life to look like. They spent their college years having fun, making friends, creating stories they would reminisce on for the rest of their life. But they knew what they were doing. They had a general plan for what kind of job they would get, the type of person they would marry, the kind of car they’ll drive and how many kids they can pack in it for soccer practice.

Me? I thought I knew. I thought I’d get my Poli Sci degree in four years, volunteer for a few local political campaigns while working some entry level desk job, prove myself valuable to the campaign and be hired as the social media intern. In all honesty, this could have probably happened- if I didn’t hate cold calling and door knocking so much. My entry level position was a fish monger at Whole Foods and my campaign volunteering ended as soon as Elizabeth Warren took the Senate seat. Of course the doors opened in my favor in a different way. Being a Team Leader last year taught me a lot and I thought it would show me exactly what I wanted to do with my life because this had yet to be realized. Maybe it would bring me back to being politically motivated and involved in campaigning. Maybe it would show me that working for the federal government has incredible benefits and that emergency management can be interesting. Maybe it would show me that I enjoy more hands on work that allows me to see the achievements I’m making. But did any of this happen? Not really and if anything it made me more confused when answering the question of “what are you doing with your life?”

People I meet, new friends, old friends, family- at least one member in all of these categories has looked at me like I have ten heads when I tell them that I work for AmeriCorps making far below the minimum wage level, which is fine and honestly what I expected- more so this year than last, but it still happened last year. And then they confront me with the question … what are you doing with your life?

I assume that, other jobs that are not a position as a national service member, there are highs and lows of work. There are moments of excitement and moments when you have a never ending to-do list. There are times when you look around your office and are so thankful for the people you work with because they are so helpful and knowledgeable. But of course what goes up must come down and soon after your cross off the last item of your ridiculously long to-do list you realize that maybe all your stressing and overtime hours were sort of wasted because you’re sitting at your desk with little direction from your supervisor. The peaks and valleys in my work always brings out that one question again. When I look around my desk and say “what else needs to be done?” “what things can I take initiative on?” “what the HECK AM I DOING!?” I call this: The Four Month Slump. When you step into a role that is only a yearlong and you have a specific number of tasks you need to complete there is a certain way to organize your agenda, from a programmatic side- a precise agenda that the program would nod their heads at and say ‘ah, yes, this person gets the process’. Please see the table below:

One month into the year	Getting acclimated, doing small tasks that at the end of the year you will forget about and will have no impact on your overall success. You’re still a little unsure of exactly you want to do, but you have a good sponsor and you’ll be mentored by your colleagues.
Three months in	You’re no longer a “new employee” because you’re a quarter of the way through. You have assessed the needs of your project and know what assignments you can complete in the allotted time
Six months in	Half of your required “milestones” should be done by now and you should have a solid understanding of your relationship with your supervisor, other colleagues, and population you are serving.
Nine months in	You should have a strong portfolio of the projects you worked on and you should do another assessment on how you help reach the unmet needs that you saw upon entering your position
End of the year	You’re phasing out and have done all required projects and milestones, plus a few extra projects on the side that help you on a professional level. If you’re lucky you have been offered a job by your sponsor or at the very least have got several letters of recommendation and now know exactly what your next step in your career is.

Doesn’t that sound like an incredible journey? You saw the challenges! You got so much accomplished in one year and conquered those challenges effortlessly! So how can you possibly get into a ‘fourth month slump’? Because the real time table looks like this:

One month in	Getting acclimated, learning the ins and outs of a new position, who is your supervisor/who is their supervisor/ what are all of these words I have never seen? They want me to do allllll of that in one year!?
Three months in	You’re cruising, crushing assignments left and right, you’ve got a pretty firm understanding of what you’ll be capable of accomplishing this year. You’re also aware of the needs that your program has and how you can help address those needs
Four months	You worked so hard last month that right now there is a bit of a lull- not to mention everything you did last month is still be “approved” or “signed off” on by executives aka everyone and their brother. You realize that your position is only a yearlong and that applying/ getting hired for another job can take months. You start working on your new and improved resume and thinking about your next steps- even though you have 8 more months in this program.
Six months in	You’re stressed again. You have more work on your plate than ever before. You thought for sure you could get everything accomplished by the six month mark and be praised, but you’re finding that since organizational structures cause projects to move slower than you want, you are often getting stuck. You have found your niche though and you’ve seen yourself change in your role and adapt it into your own.
Eight months in	You’ve kind of caught up with your work load, but you don’t have time to think about that right now because you have only 4 months left in this program and still no clue what you’re doing after. You’ve started applying to jobs you know you either A.   under qualified for, but it’s your dream job and you reaaaaalllyyy want to prove to everyone that this last year was worth it B.   you’re far too over qualified for, but you need money to afford rent so you can keep living in this great place you’ve been able to make home.
Eleven months	Graduation glasses kick in. Although you’ve spent the last 10 months on a roller coaster of “There are too many downfalls, I can’t possibly address all these needs” and “Did they honestly think I couldn’t manage to get that project done? I finished in half the time as anyone else would- guess I should write a ridiculously long blog post with all this time I have.” You still have a sentimental feeling about what you’ve done. You’ve become so good at what you’re doing that you didn’t expect the year to end so quickly. But CRAP you still don’t know what you’re doing after.

Among all the confusion, stress, hard work, long days, and moral questioning, the journey has been worth it. Of course it has because if it wasn’t shaped to be a successful position, then it wouldn’t have even been an option. But, alas, I am in month four right now and that is the problem. The problem is that I know of the hills so high I can’t help but look down, steep drops that will make my stomach feel like it’s in my throat, and winding twists that I’ll come out of saying “I did WHAT!?” I know of all these obstacles ahead of me- this year and the next and the next. Do I know what I am doing with my life yet? Of course not. I’m 24. If I knew exactly what I was doing, where I was going, what was to be thrown at me in the future, I’d be bored. That’s not how I live my life. I look at this Fourth Month Slump as an opportunity to better myself personally- and with that, advance myself professionally. Step out of my comfort zone and figure out what I like in a career, what I don’t like, and what I ultimately want to do. Take the slump and turn it into something better- something that I can look back on and say “yeah, that’s what I’m going to do with my life.”