The Existential Crisis of December 2014

I would say that about every three months I have some sort of great breakthrough in personal development. I have this sudden epiphany of my true existence and just what I meant to do with my life. Sometimes this experience extends from reading through job applications, sometimes it is after listening to Needtobreathe for too many hours on end (just kidding, there is no such thing as too much Needtobreathe), and sometimes it comes from exploring somewhere new and exciting. You will recall less than three months ago I had yet another epiphany while staring at the stars in Yosemite that I wanted to be work in parks or at least find a career that allowed me exposure to the great outdoors. Ah yes, a revelation in the world of Lisa… But not all of these inner findings are as positive or as immediately attainable as others. Hence the title existential crisis.

There are moments in life that change how we think; change our morals or beliefs; change how we dress or style our hair. These moments happen in high school, in college, in post-graduate life; they happen to everyone and they happen at all different phases of our lives, some have these moments more than others. For example, I went to training in April for my current VISTA position and learned facts and heard stories about homelessness and how people end up in their situations, and it changed my view of poverty in this country.

Donuts from Portland's Voodoo Donuts

The point I am trying to get to is that I am having a moment of self- reflection and growth. Over the Thanksgiving holiday weekend, I jumped into a car with one of my coworkers, Katie, and her husband, Paul, and headed up I-5 northbound towards Portland, OR. I had this very freeing feeling the whole drive up. It’s not because I had a stressful 2.5 days at work and was finally out of the office. I think the feeling came from not having a secured plan in Portland. Sure I had a friend I was going to stay with, but we hadn’t fully planned anything out, like where she lived or when I could go over. Anyone who knows me, knows that I like to have a strict agenda and I mean strict agendas. I sometimes make plans for Saturdays and include the times of when errands will end. It’s insane, but at least I recognize that. That is why it was such a good feeling to fly by the seat of my pants once I arrived in Portland and that’s exactly what I did. But how does this fit in with my “crisis”?

The problem lies in this: I LOVE PORTLAND. The city was so cool. The people were friendly. The coffee was great, the beer was the best, and the rain really was that bad. But here is the thing- Portland made me realize that I have no idea who I want to be.

Sometimes, I want to be “Taylor Swift Loving Lisa” and wear cute sundresses and have long hair and play guitar and have a job in the media industry that gives me enough money to support my addiction errr my Taylor Swift supportiveness. Have an apartment that’s decorated with floral designs and learn to bake cookies from scratch. Wear oxford shoes when I walk to my hip job where I work as a social media specialist and my employer doesn’t believe in cubicles, so the office is an “open concept” design.

Portland as seen from the Pittock Mansion

Sometimes I want to be “Hipster Lisa” and have a record collection and wear denim jackets and skinny jeans and like, shave half of my head because that’s the cool thing to do and work at a coffee shop or Whole Foods where I make minimum wage, but it’s enough to pay for the next tattoo I want to get. I want to listen to hipster, electronic music and drink a lot of craft beer and wear beanies. And wake up on Saturdays and ride a bike to work and drink my coffee black (no, I wouldn’t do that, I’d still need some milk in it, but you get the point) and wear glasses and live in the city.

Sometimes I want to be “Outdoorsy Lisa” and go hiking a lot and wear bandanas and work for the National Park Service or Forest Service and do a lot of volunteering at local parks. I want to know all about trail building and different kinds of trees and go to redwood forests and camp. I want to hike part of the Appalachian Trail or the Oregon Trail. I want to know what it’s like to use a chainsaw or not shower for weeks on end and wake up surrounded by the wilderness and live in a tiny house.

Sometimes I want to be “Super Successful Lisa” and not have to worry about what job I’m going to take next because I have a career that lasts longer than one year. I want to save money and pay off my student loans and find somewhere to live with a yard so I can get a dog or live in a city loft that has hardwood floors and I can design my own kitchen. I want to wear pencil skirts that I buy new and not from thrift stores. I want to hold a position where it’s hard for other people to schedule meetings with me because I’m so busy or that I am always scheduling meetings because I have a lot of great ideas. Sometimes I want to be the person participating in an informational interview, not interviewing someone successful.

But, most of the time, I have no idea what I want and who I want to be. Or, I know exactly who I want to be and it’s a combination of all those things. I wear denim jackets and listen to Taylor Swift on my way to volunteer at a local park. I like to think that this is exactly what your early/ mid 20s are for- figuring out what you want to do. I think my trip to Portland was so eye opening because it showed me all the possible “people” I could be, but still be me. It also made me realize that maybe I’m not doing so bad with my life choices because I’m definitely not alone in my decisions. So many of my “Ameri-friends” are in the same boat as me. Joining FEMA Corps last year was one of those moments in my life that changed how I thought and what I find important. And that has proven to be true through these past 6 months at the CCC. And it’s all good. Not every epiphany or breakthrough in personal development has to completely change your life, it is just good to recognize that these discovers have impacted you in some way.

Famous tagline of Ripcity

Basically what I’m saying is that I feel like I have so many identities in one person and that sometimes it stresses me out to try to pick one identity to fall into, but that doesn’t have to happen. Who says you have to pick one category to get placed in? Who says you can only let some years of your life impact the way you view the world? Shouldn’t those events and experiences that you’ve had just build onto one another and shape you into who you are? That’s how it is and I need to stop thinking so much. I need to stop feeling like I have no idea who I want to be- because I’m already me and that’s not a bad thing.

The Art of Independence

Between the months of June, July, and the end October through November I have learned something that I never anticipated learning before. The true art of being independent. Who knew that so much time could be spent by yourself doing activities and not be totally isolating or depressing? Certainly not me. I had always thought that going to a movie, doing home craft projects, or even simple tasks such as trips to Walmart could be intimidating to do on your own. However, I have learned that being independent in a city that’s flourishing with things to do, is maybe not the worst thing in the world. Don’t get me wrong- I miss Dana a lot and I am not, by any means, saying that life on my own is superior to life when we are together.

Each Saturday, I wake up with the thought, “what the heck am I going to do all day?” Some days I do sit around and do nothing and mope and think about all the great things we would be doing if Dana were around. But, I cannot do that constantly. If I did, I would weigh 300 pounds and have memorized every episode of How I Met Your Mother (more so than I already have). So, instead I start my Saturdays asking that question and then finding fun things (or mundane tasks, really) to do. Sometimes I go for long walks around the city in search of the best thrift store. Sometimes, I run errands and go to the farmers market and come home and cook something great with my fresh veggies. Sometimes (one time) I go to see The Fault In Our Stars on my own and realize it was the best way to see it because no one should be seen ugly crying over terminally ill teenagers at 2:30 pm.

I learn from each Saturday alone that there is virtue in independence- an art, really. I have got to really know myself- and I have annoyed myself with how much I talk. For years I have recited the mantra “You can do anything if you do it with confidence” to my friends to inspire them. I have said, “You can totally wear those bright purple pants, as long as you do it confidently!” But, have I ever taken my own advice? I certainly hadn’t taken it so seriously until this year. I can do a lot of things independently, if I do them confidently. I can go to my favorite coffee shop with my laptop and a book and stay for hours on my own, with no one to talk to, because I do it with a big smile on my face. I talk to people at Target who are eyeing up Taylor Swift’s new album They don’t think I’m weird because I’m alone- no, they think I’m weird because I have a shirt that says “Taylor Swift or Die” and wearing bright red Keds sneakers with little cats on them and now that I've initiated conversation they can’t get away and I won’t stop talking about “HOW AMAZING TAYLOR SWIFT IS OMG!!” I digress- the point here is that I have finally figured out the art and it’s really not as bad as I thought.

To be quite honest, I find that since I spend time on my own these days, I sort of crave that (to steal a phrase from my BFF, Jenna) “Me Time.” Of course lazy Sunday mornings are best spent with Dana by my side and I much prefer making a half pot of coffee instead of just a single cups worth. And I rather always have someone to get Bloody Mary’s with at the bar because the Patriots (or Packers) are playing at 10am over here and they’re only on the NFL Network, which we don’t get. But, there are times when the constant feelings of someone around becomes a little overwhelming for my new mindset. There are times when I need that walk through the city alone with my headphones on, zoning out to Needtobreathe (or more likely, Taylor, let’s be serious) and reflecting on what I like about the city or what kind of root vegetable I’m going to make for dinner.

I suppose that I've learn a lot about myself from these independent streaks. I volunteer more, I cook more, I spend less money. If there is one thing I've learned about the art of independence, it’s that it’s good to be independent, but it’s not good to feel alone. I can still be independent and engage in these activities that I enjoy when Dana is at home, but being able to get back to the apartment and have someone that I care about waiting for me- that is the best.

Love Live the Heart, Long Live the Soul That Knows What it Wants

**Disclaimer:  I did use a Needtobreathe lyric as the title, which means that you should probably listen to this song while reading**

I’m always doing this- not blogging for a while and then having some eye opening, enlightening moment of self-reflection, realization, and actualization. It’s probably because I've never thought about the person I really truly am until about a year or so ago. I spent my high school years confused about life and too busy with after school sports, work, and trying (but failing) to be popular that I didn't know who I was or what I wanted from life or the world. I graduated high school at an average level and went on to college where I thought I had “discovered” myself. I was going to do something in athletic training. No, wait, I was going to do something in politics- like become a Senator. No, no, no, I graduated with this great idea to become a Social Media expert for a political campaign. Yeah! That’s it! That’s what I’m going to do… Oh wait, you need years and years of experience to do that.  Graduation hits everyone like a ton of bricks and I had no clue what the next steps would be. (Secret: even most people who “have a plan” have literally no idea what they’re actually doing.) I found AmeriCorps and challenged myself more than ever before and “found myself”??? I guess so… I mean, I found that I love service and I enjoy being around like-minded people, but do I really know who I am?

No.

Does anyone?

More than likely not.

Isn't that the point of this great long journey of life? That we are constantly learning new things about ourselves and about the ever changing world around us? Jeez- look at me go. I’m being one of those super annoying people who is always thinking and talking about the great questions of life and existentialism. LAME.

Vernal Falls

But in all seriousness. Aren't we always learning new things and desiring to learn new things? For example, a month ago did I know that I could hike uphill for 3 hours with a backpack in the blazing sun of Yosemite? I assumed I could do it, but I never had before. I never tried, I never pushed myself. Did I know that once I got to the top- when I almost quit three times before- that I would have such a feeling of accomplishment and know that I loved every second of that hike? I had no idea. I didn't know that last week would put me in yet another new

mindset. How could I know that? I had never done those things before, but I was learning. Learning about Yosemite, learning about the Backcountry Trails program, but mostly learning about myself. And I can’t stop thinking about those three nights spent in such an incredible place. A place where there were more stars than I had seen in a long time. A place with one sink and no shower. A place where I basically slept on the hard ground, but couldn't enjoy it anymore.

And a place that taught me just a lot about what I want in life and what I hope this year will provide for me. Going back into the office after three days at Yosemite was tough, but it allowed me to take steps in the right direction. After that trip, I have a drive to talk, network, and connect with people in the jobs that I soon hope to have. I want that National Parks uniform. I want to wake up every morning and know that I will see beautiful blue sky, lush green trees, and perfectly carved trails for the next 8 hours. And I am in the perfect place to learn all of the steps I need to take to get me in that position.

What taught me more about myself than any massive slab of natural granite or outdoor wilderness ever could were the Backcountry corpsmembers.

Stanislaus 2014 Crew doing Debriefing

These young adults, from all over the US, ages 18-25 had taken 5 months out of their lives to hike into the backcountry (about 14 miles in, to be exact) of several California parks and build trails, remove invasive plant species, or any other hard work they were assigned.
They had limited running water, no interaction with people outside of their crews (other than hand written letters from friends and family), and not much for recreational activities other than well, more hiking. They were able to get mail every other week and supplies were brought in by mules or dropped down by a helicopter.


On Tuesday, September 23, I attended a Backcountry Crew Debriefing session, where the crews would get on a stage and discuss what they had done in their 5 months- the projects they worked on, the sponsors they had, the challenges they faced, and the success they had. Even after 5 months of incredibly hard work, dirt, sweat, (I’m assuming blood and tears sometimes, too) I have never seen people more happy with what they were doing. These corpsmembers could have talked about building trails all day long and not get bored. They were exhausted, but they were full of passion. They smelled so bad, but they would not stop hugging each other and congratulating each other. They were incredible and such an inspiration.

And that is exactly what they taught me about myself. If I loved being in that environment- the fresh air and outdoors, surrounded by people in uniforms who are committed to service- then that is what I need to keep doing. And I need to keep pushing myself, challenging myself to look deeper and figure out who I am. Or maybe not- maybe just keep learning about who I am.

Half Dome at sunset as seen from Glacier Point

The Inevitable “What are you doing with your life” Post

There are a few absolute things that I have learned over the last year and 4 months of national service. Some of them are personal realizations, some are programmatic, and yet some are just good lessons for life.

There comes a time in any young person’s life, whether high school, college, or post grad, that they inevitably ask themselves “what am I doing with my life?” Some may ask this question multiple times and in several forms of inebriation, sobriety, or any time in-between. For example, many times in college my friends and I would stroll into the Merrimack dining hall for Sunday morning brunch, usually with a bit of a headache and a foggy memory of the night before and while piling our plates with as many breakfast potatoes as possible turn to each other and say “what am I doing with my life? I’m never drinking again!” Of course, that wasn’t true. And of course, at that moment we didn’t know what we were doing with our lives, but that was okay because we had years of school left- years which too quickly turned to months then weeks then days when reality set in and  we were suddenly stuck on our parents couches scanning Monster.com for hours on end. Well, some of us did that. Of course there were the students who knew from day 1 of college, maybe even day 1 of high school, exactly what they were doing with their life. They needed that 3.98 GPA to get into medical school or law school or pass the MTEL and keep their plan flowing. Or maybe there were those people who didn’t know career wise what they wanted to do, but they had an idea of what they wanted their life to look like. They spent their college years having fun, making friends, creating stories they would reminisce on for the rest of their life. But they knew what they were doing. They had a general plan for what kind of job they would get, the type of person they would marry, the kind of car they’ll drive and how many kids they can pack in it for soccer practice.

Me? I thought I knew. I thought I’d get my Poli Sci degree in four years, volunteer for a few local political campaigns while working some entry level desk job, prove myself valuable to the campaign and be hired as the social media intern. In all honesty, this could have probably happened- if I didn’t hate cold calling and door knocking so much. My entry level position was a fish monger at Whole Foods and my campaign volunteering ended as soon as Elizabeth Warren took the Senate seat. Of course the doors opened in my favor in a different way. Being a Team Leader last year taught me a lot and I thought it would show me exactly what I wanted to do with my life because this had yet to be realized. Maybe it would bring me back to being politically motivated and involved in campaigning. Maybe it would show me that working for the federal government has incredible benefits and that emergency management can be interesting. Maybe it would show me that I enjoy more hands on work that allows me to see the achievements I’m making. But did any of this happen? Not really and if anything it made me more confused when answering the question of “what are you doing with your life?”

People I meet, new friends, old friends, family- at least one member in all of these categories has looked at me like I have ten heads when I tell them that I work for AmeriCorps making far below the minimum wage level, which is fine and honestly what I expected- more so this year than last, but it still happened last year. And then they confront me with the question … what are you doing with your life?

I assume that, other jobs that are not a position as a national service member, there are highs and lows of work. There are moments of excitement and moments when you have a never ending to-do list. There are times when you look around your office and are so thankful for the people you work with because they are so helpful and knowledgeable. But of course what goes up must come down and soon after your cross off the last item of your ridiculously long to-do list you realize that maybe all your stressing and overtime hours were sort of wasted because you’re sitting at your desk with little direction from your supervisor. The peaks and valleys in my work always brings out that one question again. When I look around my desk and say “what else needs to be done?” “what things can I take initiative on?” “what the HECK AM I DOING!?” I call this: The Four Month Slump. When you step into a role that is only a yearlong and you have a specific number of tasks you need to complete there is a certain way to organize your agenda, from a programmatic side- a precise agenda that the program would nod their heads at and say ‘ah, yes, this person gets the process’. Please see the table below:

One month into the year	Getting acclimated, doing small tasks that at the end of the year you will forget about and will have no impact on your overall success. You’re still a little unsure of exactly you want to do, but you have a good sponsor and you’ll be mentored by your colleagues.
Three months in	You’re no longer a “new employee” because you’re a quarter of the way through. You have assessed the needs of your project and know what assignments you can complete in the allotted time
Six months in	Half of your required “milestones” should be done by now and you should have a solid understanding of your relationship with your supervisor, other colleagues, and population you are serving.
Nine months in	You should have a strong portfolio of the projects you worked on and you should do another assessment on how you help reach the unmet needs that you saw upon entering your position
End of the year	You’re phasing out and have done all required projects and milestones, plus a few extra projects on the side that help you on a professional level. If you’re lucky you have been offered a job by your sponsor or at the very least have got several letters of recommendation and now know exactly what your next step in your career is.

Doesn’t that sound like an incredible journey? You saw the challenges! You got so much accomplished in one year and conquered those challenges effortlessly! So how can you possibly get into a ‘fourth month slump’? Because the real time table looks like this:

One month in	Getting acclimated, learning the ins and outs of a new position, who is your supervisor/who is their supervisor/ what are all of these words I have never seen? They want me to do allllll of that in one year!?
Three months in	You’re cruising, crushing assignments left and right, you’ve got a pretty firm understanding of what you’ll be capable of accomplishing this year. You’re also aware of the needs that your program has and how you can help address those needs
Four months	You worked so hard last month that right now there is a bit of a lull- not to mention everything you did last month is still be “approved” or “signed off” on by executives aka everyone and their brother. You realize that your position is only a yearlong and that applying/ getting hired for another job can take months. You start working on your new and improved resume and thinking about your next steps- even though you have 8 more months in this program.
Six months in	You’re stressed again. You have more work on your plate than ever before. You thought for sure you could get everything accomplished by the six month mark and be praised, but you’re finding that since organizational structures cause projects to move slower than you want, you are often getting stuck. You have found your niche though and you’ve seen yourself change in your role and adapt it into your own.
Eight months in	You’ve kind of caught up with your work load, but you don’t have time to think about that right now because you have only 4 months left in this program and still no clue what you’re doing after. You’ve started applying to jobs you know you either A.   under qualified for, but it’s your dream job and you reaaaaalllyyy want to prove to everyone that this last year was worth it B.   you’re far too over qualified for, but you need money to afford rent so you can keep living in this great place you’ve been able to make home.
Eleven months	Graduation glasses kick in. Although you’ve spent the last 10 months on a roller coaster of “There are too many downfalls, I can’t possibly address all these needs” and “Did they honestly think I couldn’t manage to get that project done? I finished in half the time as anyone else would- guess I should write a ridiculously long blog post with all this time I have.” You still have a sentimental feeling about what you’ve done. You’ve become so good at what you’re doing that you didn’t expect the year to end so quickly. But CRAP you still don’t know what you’re doing after.

Among all the confusion, stress, hard work, long days, and moral questioning, the journey has been worth it. Of course it has because if it wasn’t shaped to be a successful position, then it wouldn’t have even been an option. But, alas, I am in month four right now and that is the problem. The problem is that I know of the hills so high I can’t help but look down, steep drops that will make my stomach feel like it’s in my throat, and winding twists that I’ll come out of saying “I did WHAT!?” I know of all these obstacles ahead of me- this year and the next and the next. Do I know what I am doing with my life yet? Of course not. I’m 24. If I knew exactly what I was doing, where I was going, what was to be thrown at me in the future, I’d be bored. That’s not how I live my life. I look at this Fourth Month Slump as an opportunity to better myself personally- and with that, advance myself professionally. Step out of my comfort zone and figure out what I like in a career, what I don’t like, and what I ultimately want to do. Take the slump and turn it into something better- something that I can look back on and say “yeah, that’s what I’m going to do with my life.”

Why Do Millennials Choose Service?

Why Do Millennials Choose Service?

Millennials (noun) birth years ranging from the 1980s to the 2000s;

Alternative names: Generation Y

National Service (noun) serving ones country of origin through government service programs military or non-military

With the economy still down and unemployment rates averaging at 7% for the past three years, it’s no wonder that people are looking to service organizations and opportunities to get ahead. It’s a known fact that Millennials in the United States have the highest rate of service-oriented population. Some of it has to do with the war, some of it has to do with that high unemployment rate, and some of it has to do with the vicious cycle of “I need work experience to get a job, but I need a job to get work experience.” Mostly- well, in my own opinion, at least- Millennials are serving because they see the value in it. Service oriented positions such as military service, national service, or state and local organizations have seen higher rates of applications that ever before. An article from Fortune.com gives statistics to back this up:

“In 2011 alone, AmeriCorps received 582,000 applications for only 80,000 spots. This number is up from 360,000 applications in 2009. While a down economy may have something to do with increased applications, millennials are the most service oriented of any generation. The National Conference on Citizenship reported that millennials lead every generation with a 43% service rate compared to a 35% service rate among baby boomers.”

Of course we can count the military as service and in my opinion it’s some of the most courageous types of service that you can do. However, for the purposes of this blog, I’m strictly going to be speaking to National Service- because after all, it is what I’m most fluent in. At my VISTA Pre-Service Orientation (PSO) we learned the common trends among generations. We learned that the Baby Boomer generation are work centric and accept challenges thrown their way. We learned that Generation X members value their work, but balance it with their home life. And we learned that millennials are team-oriented. According to my PSO workbook millennials “want meaningful work” and are “part of a no-person-left-behind generation, they are loyal, committed and want to be included and involved.” This, I feel, is the most prominent part of my generation. Although we are tech-savvy and we suffer from severe “screen-time”, we mostly care about others and about those around us- and use our tech skills to communicate with one another often. We tell each other about what we’re doing, what interests us, what causes we are fighting for at the time. Maybe I’m biased and this isn’t how my whole generation is. Perhaps it’s because I have spent the last two years surrounded by people who have a similar mindset as me when it comes to service, but perhaps not- I want it to be true and I think that the number of applicants to AmeriCorps in 2011 prove that my generation is as compassionate as I believe they are.

Of the five members of Green 5 last year (4 corpsmembers and myself), three of us chose another year of service. That is probably an unreasonable ratio and more than likely, not every team had people rejoining a service program, but I am willing to bet that if there was a poll done for Life After AmeriCorps at least 30% of NCCC members went back into service.

So, why do we choose this path? Why do we say “I’d rather get paid like dirt for a year of accomplishment, than work 40 hours a week right out of high school or college”? That’s not to say that my classmates who jumped directly into the workforce are not receiving accomplishments. All I mean is that dedicating a year to national service is done for a sense of pride because really there are limited other benefits. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we grew up with it. AmeriCorps turns 20 this year (VISTA is turning 50) and though it’s still not the prominent household name that us service members hope it is, AmeriCorps is roughly the same age as most of its members. In my travels with the agency, I have noticed that when I tell people outside of my age bracket that I ‘work’ for AmeriCorps they are more likely to ask what that is. I guarantee that any service member is sick of tell the public “it’s like the domestic Peace Corps.” However, when I share with another millennial that I am an AmeriCorps member, they are far more likely to say “I knew someone who did service with AmeriCorps” or “Oh, I have a friend serving in [insert state here]” I know that many of you are thinking “well, of course they know someone, you have to be young to serve!” But that’s simply not true. The only AmeriCorps program with an age restriction is NCCC. And that is strictly for corpsmembers. There is no age limit to be a Team Leader. There is no age limit to be a VISTA. There is no age limit to serve State and National. I should note that I am strictly speaking about national AmeriCorps programs- I am not speaking to programs such as City Year or other AmeriCorps funded programs.

We come back to the same question… Why millennials? I’m still not sure, but I know that I am glad to be part of a generation that has chosen this path to define themselves (well, the definition that I like to go by for millennials, anyway). I will leave you with a quote which closely sums up how I feel about joining the national service network:

 “The one percent of Americans that serve in the military and their families are bearing an inequitable burden to keep our country free during this time of war. Shouldn't we ask citizens to protect our communities here at home by improving our schools, responding to natural disasters, and bringing clean energy to our neighborhoods? Through national service we can strengthen our democracy, meet pressing challenges, build a more active and engaged citizenry, and live up to America's promise to ‘form a more perfect union.’“

Quotes taken from (respectively):

http://fortune.com/2014/06/16/why-millennials-should-ditch-corporate-jobs-for-public-service/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/aaron-marquez/dont-cut-national-service_b_824383.html

What Does Being a VISTA Mean to Me

As with any program or organization, there is an end goal; a main objective that the personnel are working towards. With NCCC it was to ‘strengthen communities and build leaders through national service.’ At Whole Foods, it’s to teach the community about natural and organic foods to make the earth more sustainable. At VISTA, the main objective- the end result we are all volunteering for, is to end poverty; to fight this epidemic in our country with national service. The way we do it is through community engagement and capacity building. VISTAs come into a poor community, make connections, engage the community, and are supposed to leave with certain tasks completed so that anyone could come into their role and know exactly what to do. That’s all good and great and seems fairly simple… if poverty can even be simple. So there are two questions here: 1. Have I been building capacity and engaging the community and 2. What does poverty and being a VISTA mean to me?

The first question is far easier to answer- like, WAY easier. Have I been building capacity? Well, okay, maybe not that easy, but nonetheless simpler than the question of poverty. I’m not entirely sure if I have begun to build any long lasting, sustaining partnership just yet. My previous blog about the connections I’m making may have been misleading. I am certainly in contact with many potential partners and attempting to create some sort of connection between agencies, but capacity building is all about making a sustainable partnership. Something that will last throughout the entirety of the two parties. A bond so strong that it almost seems foolish to not have had it in place all along. For example, if I were working at a food bank that was lacking in donations, one of my capacity building techniques could be reaching out to local grocery stores and receiving a portion of their goods that cannot be put on the shelves. This partnership makes sense, it should have been there all along. Am I doing anything at the CCC that is comparable to this? At first, I’m unsure. I sort of feel like day in and day out I’m not making a big impact- I’m working on projects that eventually just get put in the trash or won’t get funding to continue, but then I realize that capacity building is all about starting small. I can’t pick up the phone and call an apprenticeship, tell them how wonderful our corpsmembers are, and hang up with a direct hire connection made. It doesn't work that way. The small steps I make every day, the follow up emails, the phone calls I make to our current apprenticeship partner- that’s the sort of stuff that builds sustainable connections. Granted I have been blessed with a strong partnership already from the VISTA before me and all the hard work she had done before I got here- the partnership she created so I could step in and know exactly what to do and where to start. In a way, I am building capacity… in a way. I hope by the end of my year I’ll go back to this question and say, “I made that strong bond between agencies and that’s going to last for a while.”

As for engaging the community… It’s a little different at the CCC than it would be working at a food bank. The community we’re talking about here is the corpsmembers. They are the reason that I’m in the office every day and it is easy for people to lose sight of that. In fact, I feel as though there are many HQ employees that have lost sight of that. One thing I remember most at NCCC is the Regional Director always telling the Team Leaders “We are here for you and you are here for the corpsmembers.” He would always say that and anytime I would make a decision (well, majority of the time unless it involved going out of our way to see Dana’s team…) I would revert back to that advice. I am here for the corpsmembers. And a year later, I find myself thinking the same thing. I am not trying to making a connection with apprenticeships for myself, I mean, it might be kind of cool to become a sheet metal worker, but I am not in the business of self-promotion  right now. When I first started here, I was a little hesitant to talk to corpsmembers. To be quite honest, I found them sort of intimidating, which is strange considering I spent the previous 11 months bossing them around, but the corpsmembers here are always dirty and tired from the hard work they did and they were probably intimidated by me. More recently I've found that when I think back to the advice I got from NCCC, all I want to do is talk with the corpsmembers. So, really, the answer to the question is No, I haven’t engaged the community yet. I haven’t found out what they desire for employment after they leave the corps. If there is one thing I succeed at this year, I hope it’s being able to connect with corpsmembers and find some interests they have, instead of blinding creating partnerships that they don’t want any part of.

Now, onto the lighter subjects… Just kidding, we’re talking about poverty.

What does poverty and being a VISTA mean to me. Well, that’s a really tough subject. At our Pre-Service Orientation (PSO) in Denver in April, we had a very open and honest talk about what Poverty is. Now, growing up in Chelmsford and going to college in North Andover didn't expose me to much poverty, but my volunteer work with Campus Ministry at soup kitchens in Lawrence gave me a little taste. At first I thought poverty juts mean being poor or homeless- living on the streets and not having a job. And maybe that is what poverty overall is, but at PSO, I learned there are so many more levels of poverty, things I had never even realized, considered, thought about until other VISTAs opened my eyes to it. Poverty is an epidemic. It’s a cycle that’s never ending and it runs rampant in our country. Poverty doesn't discriminate against people. And not all people choose poverty. Who would willingly spend their days on the streets with no food, water, or clean clothing? There are people who are trapped in poverty and are complacent, sure, just like there are people content with their 9-5 desk job that they have done for 35 years. One thing that everyone should be aware of, though, is that these complacent people are not the majority of poor people. The majority of homeless people are struggling to make their ends meet and are motivated to do bigger and better things, but they are trapped. They can’t get a higher paying wage because they are homeless, but they can’t afford anything other than the homeless lifestyle. It’s a cycle- if you take nothing out of this lengthy paragraph, let it be that poverty and homelessness is a cycle and those who are able to get out of this cycle are what all VISTAs hope their communities become. Right here in Sacramento, I see more poor and homeless people than I have ever seen before. And it’s not pretty and it’s not easy to talk about and poverty has a different meaning to everyone, so don’t think that my definition or that my way of thinking about poverty is right because it certainly is not, it just my opinion of a hard way of life.

I don’t want to go down that path too much because it’s a sensitive and sort of controversial topic, as I’m learning through my year. The main point I wanted to touch on with poverty concerns my similar take on corpsmembers. That is who I am here for. The CCC recruits most of their corpsmembers from locations with at-risk youths. This includes young adults ages 18-25 who are homeless, don’t have a high school diploma, are aging out of foster care, or don’t have the necessary means to live independently. And like I said, poverty is a cycle, but those corpsmembers who come from a disadvantaged background enter the CCC with a different mindset and leave with what we hope to be the ultimate success story. So, like I said- these are the people I am here for. I have committed myself to another year of national service to give back to young people who may not be able to help themselves. These members may have been stuck in poverty for the entire lives with no idea how to get out and then they find themselves learning the meaning of hard work and bringing in minimum wage. We hope that these members will be able to grasp their new reality and continue on this lifestyle. That is who I’m here for. That’s what being a VISTA means to me. That’s why I live on a living stipend less than a CCC corpsmember- to engage with my community and to help them succeed in life and become something greater. I plan on doing another post like this closer to the end of my year and seeing how my mindset has changed or not changed… I guess we will wait to see what else this year has in store.

Sacto

Wow, talk about the worst blog updater this side of the Mississippi. How do I ever expect to get a career in social media when I can barely manage my own blog?! My apologies!

What would you like an update about first? Work or California life? Well, I’ll give you some brief updates about work and then tell you about what else I’ve been up to!

Things here at the CCC are going well. Tony had me create a list of personal goals I would like to achieve by the end of my year- things like better time management, professional presentation skills, or website design and social media expertise. So far, he has been giving me some tips on staying organized and been giving me opportunities to gain the skills I want. For example, last week I had 6 small tasks I needed to complete by Tuesday and I couldn’t figure out how to prioritize them. Tony helped me set up task assignments on my email, schedule calendar reminders, and plan out multiple steps for each task in order to get them accomplished on time. Like a total boss, I completed all my tasks in the time parameters and now am waiting on other partners to get back to me.

I wrote a draft MOU (memorandum of understanding- it’s just a casual agreement between two or more partners) and submitted it to NCCC for review. Once I hear back, I will be finalizing the draft, submitting it to the Corpsmember Development director and then possibly creating a professional presentation to give to executive and legal staff for final approval. While creating the document, I learned new skills, too. I learned different writing styles and how to create a giant DRAFT watermark over a document in Word. Google is a lifesaver, I tell ya. Other tasks I completed included getting statistical data about former corpsmembers who have been accepted to apprenticeship partners, creating flyers for CCC centers about apprenticeship opportunities, and working to create a consistent organizational system in my cubicle and computer. The connections I’ve been making and the work I’ve been doing so far is what I thought it would be, but it is a little slower than I had anticipated. That’s not always a bad thing, though, especially considering: 1. I have several partnerships I’m working on at once so it’s easier to keep them on track and 2. Dana and I are still getting settled in here in Sacto (that’s what the locals call it… sometimes.) and it’s more difficult to focus on my tasks when I have a lot going on at home.

Although I have many ideas work to do by the executives/ anyone I cross paths with in this place, I cannot possibly finish everything I have been given ideas about. There are a few tasks I will be able to complete, however. This potential partnership with NCCC, for one and continuing the partnership with the labor union that was created earlier this year will be my second objective. I will also be creating a few more apprenticeship partnerships that will fulfill the rest of my requirements. I’m not scared- I’m crushing this VISTA year.

As for my achievements outside of work… Dana and I have been getting acquainted with our surroundings at our new apartment. I know I have said it about a billion times by now, but we really do have such a great spot. We practically walk wherever we need to go or to do whatever we want to do- unless we wanted to go for a hike or something. We could even walk to go swimming in the river, if we really wanted it! It’s great to have our own things and be able to cook delicious and healthy meals, take walks around the city after dinner, come back to the apartment and just hang out or watch TV. Soon enough all our belongings will be here from Wisconsin (or New Jersey- because why not send our stuff across the country for no reason…that’s a long story that I will not bore you with.) and we’ll be really settled in. The last two things we need are a coffee table and a dresser, but our next stop to get one is at the Habitat for Humanity ReStore. Hopefully we will be able to go this weekend and pick out a few things. We are really into getting furniture but sort of making it our own. For example, we got a cart from Scott, who I used to share a cubicle with, and we spray painted it a teal/ bright blue color and then pulled the wheels off the bottom and now we use it to hold our toaster oven and other miscellaneous kitchen items. We also got some polyurethane spray and used it on our new kitchen island cart to make sure the wood doesn’t get damaged by the craziness that happens when I cook.

We have also been hanging out with our friends Allison and Andy a lot because they just moved here, too. For those of you who may not know- Allison and Andy are the second cutest AmeriCouple from last year (i.e. they met in FEMA Corps too) and now Andy will be working with Dana on the IMAT team. We have also been out with the team I work with once, so we are being as social as possible. Other than that, things are pretty boring around here, which isn’t bad. I kept saying I couldn’t wait to have my own place and get into the routine of things, and that has certainly happened and I love every second of it. I’m sorry that I have been slacking on keeping up here- I will try to do better. Things at work have slowed down for the next week or so, but who really knows. Speaking of work… I should get back to that…

P.s. I apologize for the lack of photos on this entire page. Dana is the photographer, not me.

I Got to Midtown!!

Where to begin… with work or with play? I suppose I’ll just begin where we left off and go chronologically so you can all pretend like you’re soaking up the sun here in California with me and Dana.

Friday was a big step into “big girl world” over here. Dana had lunch with her new supervisor at FEMA and a few other members of her team, then headed over to NCCC campus to see some old pals. Meanwhile, I was in a meeting with Tony creating a master list of projects I’m going to do this year… Okay, Tony, I get that I said I wanted to be more organized, but come on, I’M READY TO DO SOME WORK! It’s not that I haven’t been doing work here at the CCC- I have. I have been attending meetings and sending emails, but I have done a lot of talking about what I’m going to do this year and less doing of said things. I know I know- be patient, I’ve only been here a month, but a month is a lot of time in the terms of a year! Especially if I am going to try and complete all these tasks! I have started taking more initiative though and expressing my concerns to Tony, so I’m confident that if I keep on this path and pattern then I’ll be doing so much and feel like i’m really making a difference.

Okay, so anyways back to being a “real grown up” (i’m sorry.. WHAT?!) Dana picked me up at work on Friday and we headed to our apartment to patiently await the arrival of our new furniture. We had picked out a couch and a loveseat from a furniture outlet and it came right on time. We were so excited! The apartment was finally starting to look like a home… a little. After that we went back to Tami and Mike’s (Janet and Steve’s, right mom?) to pick up the rest of our stuff. Our new bed wasn’t supposed to arrive until Saturday morning, but we were so eager to get into our new place that we decided one night on the floor wouldn’t kill our backs- and it didn’t… for the most part. Saturday morning the delivery guys came with our mattress! Now we had a bed, too! As tempting as it was to put the sheets on our bed and lounge in all its comfort for the day, we knew that we needed to get things done (not for America- I’ll get to that later) We headed to the mall to make a few returns, get an internet plan set up, and then go grocery shopping. After we checked everything off our list and made one very important phone call to my dad (thanks again, the kitchen island is going to work great!), we went back home to get ready for the night. We had planned a special night to celebrate finally moving into our place, so we got all dolled up and walked over to a brewery a few blocks away where they have one of my new favorite beers. How awesome! We could walk! And we could keep walking to the sushi restaurant we went to for dinner- Half price sushi!! All within 10 blocks of our house! WOO!! I never thought I would like living in a city, but with all the trees, little parks, and old Victorian homes, Sacramento doesn’t seem so metropolitan. Sunday we met up with one of Dana’s coworkers for brunch and chatted for a while, then we went home to do some arts and crafts. We applied polyurethane to our mobile kitchen island to protect it and spray painted the cart we’re putting the microwave on bright blue. PS, shout out to Auntie Lynne and Auntie Gail for a microwave! After our projects were complete we got all our things ready for work. Monday was Dana’s first day of work, so we hit the hay early to be bright eyed and bushy tailed in the morning.

Hmm.. I guess that I didn’t really go in chronological order but I just told you about all the fun things we did and none about work… Okay I will do that now!

A big change here at work is that I now have my own cubicle! It is quite small, but it has a lot of space to hang things (hint hint… send me some pics!) and it is alllll mine! As far as projects go, I am working on a few things right now. Aside from my list of lists, I am working with a Northern California Union (NorCal) to create a partnership between their apprenticeship program and the CCC centers in the northern region. the partnership was already in place before I began my year, but I am working to expand it to the last center in the northern region so we can then move forward and connect the union’s southern counterpart with our southern centers. I think the latter half of partnership will take up a lot of my time this year, if I can get the apprenticeship program to be interested in the CCC. I have a meeting with NorCal and the CCC Tahoe center in two weeks and it will be my first time promoting this partnership on my own.

Another partnership I am working on is with AmeriCorps NCCC and the CCC. Tony wants me to take this project on independently because he think that with my knowledge of NCCC and the skills I want to personally gain this year, everyone will benefit. The next step we are looking at in this process is two-fold. I have to create an unofficial document as an understanding between the two agencies and get each side to agree on the jargon. I also am going to have to present this idea to the CCC executive team before the partnership is in full effect. In addition, I may have to present the idea to NCCC leadership! Needless to say I am nervous but excited about this opportunity. I have expressed to Tony that I want to get better at doing formal presentations this year, so he wants this project to help me reach that goal.

I have also expressed to Tony that I am very interested in learning to professionally manage social media, so he is going to plug me into one of his projects so I can learn. He also wants me to help him redesign some aspects of a website he is in charge of. Everytime we talk about this particular project, I get very excited. It seems like something I would be really interested in and could become talented in. I have been giving a lot of thought to what I want to do after this year and I’m not even close to sure yet, but I think that having a variety of different tasks and projects and having a supervisor who cares about my interests is going to help me find my way. I have also been thinking about educating myself in marketing or maybe website design! Who knows?! The possibilities are endless.

Get Me to Midtown!

Oh wow, it has been a loonggggg time since I wrote! My apologies, things have been a little crazy around here.

Let me update you briefly on what’s been going on:

Work is good. Tony is giving me a lot of projects to start into and there are a few that I am really excited about. The first one is working with AmeriCorps NCCC and creating a partnership between them and the CCC. I know what you’re thinking “Lisa, aren’t you the partnership there?” LOL no, not quite like that. Although I am very helpful when it comes to knowledge about AmeriCorps NCCC, my main goal of this project will be to make write an agreement for both agencies to help corpsmembers advance into the Team Leader role more easily. I’m excited about this project, not just because I get to work with my current employer and former employers alike, but also because I will gain so many skills like formal presentation skills, formal and technical writing, and capacity building. Another project I will be working on is to hopefully create a video and presentation to fit into a corpsmember development course. The video will show corpsmembers a step by step process of applying for a job, interviewing, and going to work. This project is going to test my creative skills and help me learn more about computer software like Photoshop and Prezi.

Outside of work, things have been very busy! As most of you know, I drove down to visit Auntie Gail for my birthday weekend. It was only 5 hours (“only 5 hours?!”… 5 hours to me is nothing! I’ve driven across the country like 5 times now!) We had a lot of fun!! We went to her school BBQ, walked around San Luis Obispo, walked around Pismo Beach, hung out with friends, went to breakfast, went on a walk, we did so much and in only 2 days!! It was a great time and it was so much fun to be with family on my birthday!

Last weekend was also AMAZING. Saturday I was able to pack up most of my room at Mike and Tami’s, go to the farmer’s market, and take some time to relax before Sunday. On Sunday morning I sprung out of bed, too excited to sleep any longer. I had to be in San Francisco by 3:20pm to PICK UP DANA AT THE AIRPORT!!! WOOOOHOOO!!!!! BEST DAY EVER!!!! I thought I gave myself plenty of time by leaving Elk Grove at 12:00pm. It takes about 2 hours to get to San Francisco airport from Sacramento, but I needed gas and it was Memorial Day weekend, so I was being extra cautious. Luckily I gave myself an extra hour to accomidate for any hiccups I would hit along the way because as soon as I got to Oakland, traffic hit a stand still. In an hour, I went less than 5 miles. I was so annoyed. This was supposed to be the best day ever, now I was stuck in traffic, had to pee, my hair was getting frizzy, and there was npthing good on the radio, and to top it all off: Dana’s flight arrived 20 mintues early! I finally made it to the airport, said a quick hello before I sprinted to the ladies room- leaving my Mini illegally parked on the curb. Ahhh, I felt so much better so Dana and I hit the road back to Sacramento. We headed straight to our soon to be apartment (after a quick stop at In N Out for some burger-, animal style, of course). We met with our landlord Rich, Dana admired the place (good job picking out an awesome apartment, Lisa), we signed our lease and were given the keys. WOOHOO!!! Our apartment is a one bedroom, smack-dab in the heart of Midtown Sacramento. It has an entry room (like a mudroom, I guess?), a living room, a huge kitchen, a bedroom, built in storage, one bathroom, and HUGE windows- like biggest windows I’ve ever seen and some are so pretty and have stained glass panels. IT’S GREAT! Now… if only we could move into it…. After we signed the lease we took a short walk around the corner and found a cool German beer garden. We knew we had made the right choice.

Monday was a holiday so we were able to get a lot done. We went shopping for a new mattress and some living room furniture. We got everything we needed and set up delivery times. After we shopped til we dropped, we headed back to Mike and Tami’s for the night- we knew Tuesday would be a busy day, too. We were not wrong in our assumptions, although Tuesday turned out to be more fun than Monday. The first thing we did was head from Mike and Tami’s to our apartment to drop off some of my clothes that I wouldn’t need for the next few days. On Monday we had measured out all the rooms in our apartment, so Teusday we were able to just start shopping! We hit up Target (who doesn’t love a good Target trip?!?), Walmart, and then Ikea. NOTE TO ANYONE WHO IS EVER TRYING TO BUY THINGS FOR YOUR HOUSE: GO. TO. IKEA. First of all, make sure you block off like 3 days to go there because I’m pretty sure that is exactly how long it takes to walk through the entire store. And secondly, GO TO IDEA FIRST BEFORE YOU GO ANYWHERE ELSE!!! Rookie mistake, Dana and I went to Ikea last and what did we find?? Everything we had been looking for and everything we had already bought but at lower prices and cuter colors or styles. Needless to say, yesterday after work we spent our time returning things to Target and Walmart.

We walked out of Ikea after what felt like 4 days and were ready to build some stuff! We had bought a mobile kitchen island and a shelving unit that we needed to put together and we were motivated. We got back to the apartment, ripped open the boxes, scanned the instructions and- oh crap, we need a screwdriver. Luckily we have very nice neighbors below us who offered to lend us some tools, so we were able to build the kitchen island. It looks great and I can’t wait to chop so many vegetables on it!

I’ve been at work the past two days now, but all I can think about is getting everything settled into our new little apartment. Tonight is the first night we are going to spend there and tomorrow I’ll be able to walk or ride my skateboard to work.

I can’t believe all of this is happening. I feel like a real grown-up; getting an apartment, having an 8-5 office job, living in California. I have a lot to be thankful for and I know that I wouldn’t be where I am, excited about all the things in my life, it I didn’t have the support of everyone back home. I miss everyone a lot, but there is not a doubt in my mind that where I am right now is exactly where I want to be and where I am supposed to be.

I hope I’ll be able to write more once everything gets more routine. I have all these day dreams in my head about longboarding to work, building partnerships and getting CCC corpsmembers meaningful employment, longboarding back home, cooking all the great food I got at the farmers market, and drinking some craft beer on the porch of my apartment in Midtown with Dana. Yeah, that’s the life.