The Art of Independence

Between the months of June, July, and the end October through November I have learned something that I never anticipated learning before. The true art of being independent. Who knew that so much time could be spent by yourself doing activities and not be totally isolating or depressing? Certainly not me. I had always thought that going to a movie, doing home craft projects, or even simple tasks such as trips to Walmart could be intimidating to do on your own. However, I have learned that being independent in a city that’s flourishing with things to do, is maybe not the worst thing in the world. Don’t get me wrong- I miss Dana a lot and I am not, by any means, saying that life on my own is superior to life when we are together.

Each Saturday, I wake up with the thought, “what the heck am I going to do all day?” Some days I do sit around and do nothing and mope and think about all the great things we would be doing if Dana were around. But, I cannot do that constantly. If I did, I would weigh 300 pounds and have memorized every episode of How I Met Your Mother (more so than I already have). So, instead I start my Saturdays asking that question and then finding fun things (or mundane tasks, really) to do. Sometimes I go for long walks around the city in search of the best thrift store. Sometimes, I run errands and go to the farmers market and come home and cook something great with my fresh veggies. Sometimes (one time) I go to see The Fault In Our Stars on my own and realize it was the best way to see it because no one should be seen ugly crying over terminally ill teenagers at 2:30 pm.

I learn from each Saturday alone that there is virtue in independence- an art, really. I have got to really know myself- and I have annoyed myself with how much I talk. For years I have recited the mantra “You can do anything if you do it with confidence” to my friends to inspire them. I have said, “You can totally wear those bright purple pants, as long as you do it confidently!” But, have I ever taken my own advice? I certainly hadn’t taken it so seriously until this year. I can do a lot of things independently, if I do them confidently. I can go to my favorite coffee shop with my laptop and a book and stay for hours on my own, with no one to talk to, because I do it with a big smile on my face. I talk to people at Target who are eyeing up Taylor Swift’s new album They don’t think I’m weird because I’m alone- no, they think I’m weird because I have a shirt that says “Taylor Swift or Die” and wearing bright red Keds sneakers with little cats on them and now that I've initiated conversation they can’t get away and I won’t stop talking about “HOW AMAZING TAYLOR SWIFT IS OMG!!” I digress- the point here is that I have finally figured out the art and it’s really not as bad as I thought.

To be quite honest, I find that since I spend time on my own these days, I sort of crave that (to steal a phrase from my BFF, Jenna) “Me Time.” Of course lazy Sunday mornings are best spent with Dana by my side and I much prefer making a half pot of coffee instead of just a single cups worth. And I rather always have someone to get Bloody Mary’s with at the bar because the Patriots (or Packers) are playing at 10am over here and they’re only on the NFL Network, which we don’t get. But, there are times when the constant feelings of someone around becomes a little overwhelming for my new mindset. There are times when I need that walk through the city alone with my headphones on, zoning out to Needtobreathe (or more likely, Taylor, let’s be serious) and reflecting on what I like about the city or what kind of root vegetable I’m going to make for dinner.

I suppose that I've learn a lot about myself from these independent streaks. I volunteer more, I cook more, I spend less money. If there is one thing I've learned about the art of independence, it’s that it’s good to be independent, but it’s not good to feel alone. I can still be independent and engage in these activities that I enjoy when Dana is at home, but being able to get back to the apartment and have someone that I care about waiting for me- that is the best.