I’m always doing this- not blogging for a while and then
having some eye opening, enlightening moment of self-reflection, realization,
and actualization. It’s probably because I've never thought about the person I
really truly am until about a year or so ago. I spent my high school years
confused about life and too busy with after school sports, work, and trying (but
failing) to be popular that I didn't know who I was or what I wanted from life
or the world. I graduated high school at an average level and went on to
college where I thought I had “discovered” myself. I was going to do something
in athletic training. No, wait, I was going to do something in politics- like
become a Senator. No, no, no, I graduated with this great idea to become a
Social Media expert for a political campaign. Yeah! That’s it! That’s what I’m
going to do… Oh wait, you need years and years of experience to do that. Graduation hits everyone like a ton of bricks
and I had no clue what the next steps would be. (Secret: even most people who “have a plan” have literally no idea
what they’re actually doing.) I found AmeriCorps and challenged myself more
than ever before and “found myself”??? I guess so… I mean, I found that I love
service and I enjoy being around like-minded people, but do I really know who I
am?
No.
Does anyone?
More than likely not.
Isn't that the point of this great long journey of life?
That we are constantly learning new things about ourselves and about the ever changing
world around us? Jeez- look at me go. I’m being one of those super annoying
people who is always thinking and talking about the great questions of life and
existentialism. LAME.
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| Vernal Falls |
But in all seriousness. Aren't we always learning new things
and desiring to learn new things? For example, a month ago did I know that I
could hike uphill for 3 hours with a backpack in the blazing sun of Yosemite? I
assumed I could do it, but I never had before. I never tried, I never pushed
myself. Did I know that once I got to the top- when I almost quit three times
before- that I would have such a feeling of accomplishment and know that I
loved every second of that hike? I had no idea. I didn't know that last week
would put me in yet another new
mindset. How could I know that? I had never
done those things before, but I was learning. Learning about Yosemite, learning
about the Backcountry Trails program, but mostly learning about myself. And I
can’t stop thinking about those three nights spent in such an incredible place.
A place where there were more stars than I had seen in a long time. A place
with one sink and no shower. A place where I basically slept on the hard
ground, but couldn't enjoy it anymore.
And a place that taught me just a lot about what I want in
life and what I hope this year will provide for me. Going back into the office after
three days at Yosemite was tough, but it allowed me to take steps in the right
direction. After that trip, I have a drive to talk, network, and connect with
people in the jobs that I soon hope to have. I want that National Parks
uniform. I want to wake up every morning and know that I will see beautiful
blue sky, lush green trees, and perfectly carved trails for the next 8 hours.
And I am in the perfect place to learn all of the steps I need to take to get
me in that position.
What taught me more about myself than any massive slab of
natural granite or outdoor wilderness ever could were the Backcountry corpsmembers.
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| Stanislaus 2014 Crew doing Debriefing |
They had limited running water, no interaction with people outside of their crews (other than hand written letters from friends and family), and not much for recreational activities other than well, more hiking. They were able to get mail every other week and supplies were brought in by mules or dropped down by a helicopter.
On Tuesday, September 23, I attended a Backcountry Crew Debriefing session, where the crews would get on a stage and discuss what they had done in their 5 months- the projects they worked on, the sponsors they had, the challenges they faced, and the success they had. Even after 5 months of incredibly hard work, dirt, sweat, (I’m assuming blood and tears sometimes, too) I have never seen people more happy with what they were doing. These corpsmembers could have talked about building trails all day long and not get bored. They were exhausted, but they were full of passion. They smelled so bad, but they would not stop hugging each other and congratulating each other. They were incredible and such an inspiration.
And that is exactly what they taught me about myself. If I loved being in that environment- the fresh air and outdoors, surrounded by people in uniforms who are committed to service- then that is what I need to keep doing. And I need to keep pushing myself, challenging myself to look deeper and figure out who I am. Or maybe not- maybe just keep learning about who I am.
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| Half Dome at sunset as seen from Glacier Point |
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